Chapter 1 - Crisis Point

Everything started with an egg. I couldn’t say if it was free range or not, it was in pieces by the time it reached me. In fact, it smashed the moment we made contact. I was sitting next to an open window on a bus at the time, on my way to work.

But how lucky was I? Because I’d been racking my brains for an excuse to make me late for an important meeting. Late - as in to miss it altogether. Rather than unfashionably, unforgivably late as I had been before the egg struck.

I was often late - this time was due to indecision about what to wear. The specific dilemma having been conservative versus provocative. A mite shallow? Perhaps so. However, my reasoning was rooted in the serious and profound, since there was no man in my life and I wanted that to change. It was a Friday, and that meant I would be socialising straight after work. Who was going to notice me if I was wearing dull office attire? Nobody. Not when my competition were parading around with their tits hanging out.

My thoughts had gone as follows: Shall I go as Madeleine-the-Office-Clerk - to comply with the dress-code for the management meeting? Or shall I dress more if-you-want-it-here-it-is-come-and-get-it, to attract the most attention possible at the local wine bar after work?

The latter was the preferable option, however there was a risk attached. Karen, my boss, wouldn’t appreciate Mad-the-Floozy traipsing into the high profile meeting. The skirt of choice tended to rise up considerably when I sat down, and as I’d booked the meeting room I knew there was no table to hide beneath. All hell would’ve broken loose if my skirt’s interior got more attention than Karen’s presentation. Eventually, the fear of her wrath had won over, and I’d reluctantly plumped for the conservative option.

So you see, despite having egg on my face (and down my jacket), the young lad - who’d simply launched one at a bus - had done me a huge favour. It was fate. I duly returned home on another bus and got changed into my pulling gear...

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